Golfing and Communication, Using Tee Ups Effectively!

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Been on the links yet? If not, hopefully very soon! I enjoy golfing and teeing off is my favorite part (not that the ball goes much more than 100 yards or so). I just really like it when my ball flies high and straight! 

Image result for golf course cartoonIt makes it much easier to smack the ball into the air if  the tee is adjusted in the ground just right, not too high or low. Read: Maximize your efficiency either long distance or not as long depending on the goal.

Colorful Tees

Place the tee in the ground at the right height!

However, teeing up may not be such a good thing, especially when not on the golf course. Off the course, a tee up is a phrase to transition to introduce your verbal message. It’s a style of communication that’s often used to soften what’s coming, obscure meaning and, at times, “signal that bad news or dishonesty” is on the horizon.

Image result for golf course cartoonHave you noticed that often, those who are known to lie or bend the truth the most are the ones who say “to be perfectly honest” the most? At least that has been true in my personal experience. If a person has to announce their honesty before they speak, maybe they aren’t always truthful.

Sure, I use tee-ups and I am very conscientious of it. I catch myself and reiterate in my mind how I feel when I use them. A tee-up can be impolite and can also draw less attention to what you really need to say.  When I hear others use a tee-up phrase it makes me think about how they’re communicating and what may be motivating their behavior or thought.

I Hate To Tell YouI Hate To Tell You, But

When a tee-up is used to preface a neutral statement, it can potentially appear to make the speaker sound formal, conscientious, or sophisticated. When used before a negative statement, a tee-up can be condescending.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but all in all” they signal a weakness in communication. Whether you mean it or not, tee-ups make a listener shut down. The best way to circumvent that is for the speaker to stop using tee-ups whenever possible.

Other examples of a tee-up phrase are, “To tell you the truth”, “To be perfectly honest”, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but” ,“Believe it or not” ,  and “I hear what you’re saying.”  How about this one, “Don’t take this the wrong way!” What are we really saying when we use this phrases? Not much.

My personal favorite is “without a shadow of a doubt”. I’m not really sure if that’s a tee up but I said it the other day to Randy when we were in some sort of philosophical discussion.  (Get the picture?)

Proceed With Caution

Proceed with caution when you hear a tee-up!

There are various reasons for communicating this way. These “tee-ups” are a good way to lie, because it softens the blow a bit by distancing you on an emotional level. The bottom line is when a person uses a tee-up it almost always has to do with emotions.

Tee-ups are yellow lights. If you are about to utter one, slow down. Proceed with caution. Think about what you are about to say or write. And put your communication in the right context from the beginning! You may find this related Wall Street Journal article of interest, It’s titled Why Verbal Tee-Ups Like ‘To Be Honest’ Often Signal Insincerity and can be found at: online.wsj.com/news/articles/

“But then again”, a tee-up may make it easier to say something difficult or buy a few extra seconds to collect your next thought. “Yet all in all”, they can become communication habits that waste time. The person who you are talking to can get stuck on the tee-up and not listen nearly as well as you had well-intended. If you really have something serious to talk about, it will help to use your body language and tone of voice efficiently.

“Okay, don’t freak out, but” if you are feeling a need to use tee-ups a lot, perhaps you’re saying too many unpleasant things to or about other people. Sometimes, the shiny feather (fletching) on an arrow can distract you from the barb; often, it just makes it hurt more. More likely than not, your message will miss the ultimate target.

Precept Golf BallI use this kind of ball! Precept: Noun: a general rule intended to regulate behavior or thought.

If you whiff on the first shot, you can tee-up again, but you have to count the stroke and you’ll need to work harder on your game! Ill think of my precept golf balls next time I use a tee-up (or whiff) and will then try to regulate my behavior or thought. The greatest precept is continual awareness. Do you want to do the same? Or would you rather just go golfing with me?

P.S. Congrats Mark Calcavecchia, winner of our 2015 Principal Charity Classic!

Let me know what I can do to help you in a litigated matter involving work and disability. As far as golf, I really can’t help you there much other than to simply motivate you to have fun and don’t worry about whiffing….we all do it! Don’t get all emotional about it!

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 My professional rehabilitation counseling practice is focused on helping people participate in the world around them, particularly in their own world of work.

1st Bug Bite, 1st Sunburn & 1st Boat Ride!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Living through my 1st Bug Bite, 1st Sunburn & 1st Boat Ride means summer 2015 is near!

Summer

“Summer” by Walfrido

The bite (thinking bee) sure made my right arm swell up and hurt. At the onset I thought, gee, all my workouts have produced hefty triceps (wouldn’t happen on only one side silly), but NO my arm for about a week looked like a football player’s arms.

The boat ride (thank you so much Ted & Beth Erickson!) Sunday on Lake Panorama was wonderful! Good thing the one (of a select few) plants I can really grow well is readily available at my house. My burn wasn’t bad, but I will prepare for sunnier days to come with my aloe vera plants.

2015-06-02 13.48.07

Here’s a Quick Juicing Recipe: 

Light and Lemony Aloe Vera
1 cucumber 
1 apple
1 lemon
2 tablespoons of aloe vera pulp

And click here for 30 Uses for Aloe Vera.

My love of coconut oil and essential oil is great for sunburn and other skin issues. Prepare for June, July and beyond. August will be really special this  year for more reasons than one! Okay, the big one is that Randy and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. What should we do?! Here’s a shot of us in 2012 celebrating August 4, 1990. You can take your own bottle of wine to DJango (yummy!)

Raspberry Wine for the Meal DJango
Raspberry Wine for the Meal DJango

We both look silly!

This week my sister Janice is flying in from Fort Lauderdale. We’ll be having some fun! And some sadness, as Katy, a friend Janice spent a lot of time with in high school committed suicide and there’s a memorial for her this weekend in Iowa Falls. I had a friend, Sally, who I too spent a lot of time with growing up, who did the same, that is commit suicide last year. It’s horrible. I love life so much, I am so incredibly saddened that mental health and hatred can really ruin the world for some.

Whatever Makes Your Happy You Put In Your World

Whatever Makes You Happy You Put Into Your World

Stay safe this summer, have fun and relax. And be grateful for each day of your life! I personally have to really watch out for bugs, especially spiders, bees and yellow jackets, wasps and hornets; and poison ivy. There’s  a whole story or three on what bugs and poison ivy have known to do to my body…..NOT GOOD.

I need to be sure to keep an epi-pen near, or at least be sure people who I’m with know (if we’re outside) to help me to be cautious about what’s floating around…. And I have to make a new poison ivy kit for thhis summer (read: glass jar with vinegar, and small towel)….just in case.

I’m going to read my homework for tonight’s CRHP session now…..it’s beautiful outside! If you are curious, Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP, pronounced “Chirp”) is a spiritual renewal weekend designed to help individuals grow in their personal relationship with Jesus Christ and with others in their faith community. It is an excellent opportunity for Catholics to renew their understanding of the basic beliefs and traditions of their faith. And I’m helping to prepare the next women’s retreat in August for my parish, All Saints Catholic Church. That’s my next big event planned for this August, hosting a CRHP retreat!

Please let me know how I might help with life care planning and/or vocational consulting. I’m here for you!

Note: I changed my byline  as of 5/22/15

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 My professional rehabilitation counseling practice is focused on helping people participate in the world around them, particularly in their own world of work.

Pops is Tops! Thank You Randy for all your Hard Work in Alternative Education!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Original post date: April 28, 2015

Thank you for congratulating Randy, news writer Mike! In thinking about it, all in all it’s a pretty cool deal! Last week he kinda had enough with being the celebrity (ha ha ha!) Randy was in the newspaper, on television news, in various internet stories, and on a digital billboard or two in town! Read on!

Below is the story written by Mike Wellman 9:35 a.m. CDT April 17, 2015 in the Des Moines Register,  ~ Scavo teacher is tops in alternative ed 

des.adm0421 randy botkin.jpg

Smile Silly : \

Scavo Alternative High School teacher Randy Botkin was named the 2015 Iowa Association of Alternative Education (IAAE) educator of the year.

Botkin has worked in the Des Moines Public Schools system for 22 years, all of them in an alternative school setting.

“I had the pleasure to work alongside Randy as a teacher at Scavo from 2000 to 2003,”Scavo principal Rich Blonigan said in nominating Botkin for the award, “and now again as principal. During my time as a colleague, Randy has exemplified what it means to be a teacher in an alternative setting. Randy has great rapport with students and families. He has the ability to connect with his students and motivate them to do their best.”

Botkin received the award at the IAAE annual conference April 9-10 in Davenport.

The educator of the year is presented to an alternative educator who is making a significant contribution to alternative education in Iowa. This award honors one individual each year.

Botkin’s award comes on the heels of last year’s induction of longtime Scavo teacher Steve Peters into the IAAE Hall of Fame.

Des Moines’ alternative school program dates back to 1968 when the Greater Des Moines Education Center opened on Forest Avenue. The center moved one year later to the city’s north side.

In 1972, a second alternative school opened on the south side. That facility, Alternative South, was renamed for former principal Vincent C. Scavo in 1995.

Scavo has moved to a few locations since then and in January it moved a renovated space at Central Campus that includes on-site services like a medical and dental clinic, counseling and food pantry.

***

2015-04-27 Congrats Botkin

Watching this digital billboard was so exciting!

Pops Is TopsArin our beauty, likes to call her dad “Pops” Pops is Truly Tops!

Be sure to thank your own dad (or husband/spouse/partner) for their hard work!  And especially thank the teachers in your community.  FYI: Teacher Appreciation Week is celebrated during the first full week of May each year.

I hope your legal work is going well. Let me know how I might help with a personal injury or workers’ compensation case that would benefit from vocational consulting or life care planning! As well, I can help answer vocationally related questions on a divorce case.

Contact me at 515-778-0634 or  amyebotkin@lcpresourcesplus.com  

Thank you for reading this post. I have written many more for your reading pleasure!

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My professional rehabilitation counseling practice is focused on helping people participate in the world around them, particularly in their own world of work.

Can You Make Money? Save Money? Solve Problems? Yes! Then You’re Hired!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

When I stay out of town or I can tell in a second if the water I’m showering in or drinking is hard. Hard water feels different (icky) and tastes different (ucky). When the quality of your water is soft, the soap you use in your bathtub, shower, sink, washing machine, dishwasher, and on your skin is incredibly efficient.  Your body, dishes, clothes become much cleaner than if hard water were used.

And the taste is so much more crisp, clear and clean and drinkable!

In my mind, soft water is essential

In the past, I’ve blogged about my dad and his career at Culligan Soft Water. Yes, I grew up around soft water, so that may be why I love it so much. And yes, I realize there are benefits of hard water as well (like watering houseplants!). That’s beyond the scope of this blog!   However, within the scope of this writing is the fact that….

Image result for excited face cartoon

I am fascinated by the work people do!

I invite you to read a nice short story about Emmett Culligan’s day once long ago when he was not at work.  Sounds like something I would find myself doing (striking up a conversation with a worker…and then getting fascinated about his work….and losing track of what I was doing to begin with!). The maintenance worker came up with a brilliant idea that accomplished the three goals employers look for when hiring:

A person who can help to make money

In this situation, the worker clearly was a valuable team member to keep the hospital filled with patients.

A person who can help to save money 

The worker’s idea saved on supplies, in this example, the use of soap to wash hospital linens.

A person who can help solve problems

 The worker’s idea prevented scaling in the boilers by removing the hardness from the water.

This holds true to this this day. Employers look to hire a person who can help them either make money, save money, and/or solve problems. And Mr. Culligan ended up doing just that!. By hiring many people who helped him in each of these areas, which lead to a successful business.  On one day in the 1950’s that included hiring my dad! Here’s a funny blog about how to use the office water cooler (according to cats.)

Want to tell a potential employer how you can do these things? Here’s another blog post on interviewing skills! I loved to share stories about success at work! Leave me a comment with one of yours!

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My professional rehabilitation counseling practice is focused on helping people participate in the world around them, particularly in their own world of work.